He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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