Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
