Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
