im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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