Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
