Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i came on her dog
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I deserve this hangover.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
