when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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