I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
