the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just had sex on a roof
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My dick has a subreddit
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
