I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
