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she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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