we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
