I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
