There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
