i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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