I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
