mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
