Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In other news, I just burned my penis
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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