Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
