I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
