whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
