No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
