Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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