We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
