i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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