She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
