; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
