dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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