I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
