Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I enjoy the company of your penis
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
