someone get that fucking seahorse.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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