no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
