She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
