I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
