that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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