Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
