They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
