she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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