I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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