you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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