I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
