For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
