just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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