It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
