Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
