and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
