Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
