A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
