I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
