Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
