It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
