census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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