never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
