I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
