Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
