I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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