Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
