You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
