You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
