It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
