If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
