So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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