Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
