Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
