You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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