Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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