Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
