she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
