"it" just moved
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize