yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
